Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
