omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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