Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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