If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
