my phone needs a breathalizer
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
