there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
