please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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