why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
