Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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