We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
