At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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