there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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