im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
