dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
