dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
