are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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