I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
