What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
