you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
