i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
