why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
