Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
