I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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