He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
