alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
