; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
