I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
