Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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