it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
