He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Couch. On fire.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
