Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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