can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
