the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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