he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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