i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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