i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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