It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
