How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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