Your tits are I can't wait for
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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