Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
