All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
