My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
