We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
