Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
