You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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