I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
