I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
