living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
