why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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