there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
